Broken . . .

I didn't start out this way.

I used to be organized, on-the-ball, upbeat, happy, patient, friendly and kind. I could remember every facet of my children's lives, from parent teacher conferences to dance practices (without even consulting a calendar!). My house looked lived in but well-kept even though both my husband and I worked. I can't tell you exactly when I turned the corner into lazy, grumpy, ornery, just-doing-enough-to-get-by...but I've been there for some time now. Perhaps the slow descent was enough to fool me that nothing bad was happening. The biggest question is why? How did I let this happen to me and my family?

Am I overworked? Stressed out? Tired? Sure, but no more so than millions of other stay-at-home or working moms. So what the hell is my problem? My house looks like a perpetual tornado lives here (my4 children don't help, but I mean...seriously?). And you know what? Most of the time I just don't care. It drives my husband up a wall. He asks me all the time if I have seen such and such or so and so's room and I have, but I just don't care and I cannot for the life of me find the will or motivation to do anything about it anymore. Even when I do pick up the main areas, I feel it's a wasted effort. My children tear through the house leaving a wake of destruction behind them.

But I can't even just blame them. It's me. Working graves has taken it's toll on me, I am home during the day but so exhausted I usually don't even want to get out of bed, even on those days when I had the night off. My job as a mother is to keep the house at least reasonably tidy and I can't do it. I'm not lazy, I assure you. But now that the laundry is literally taking over, it overwhelms me to the point where I'm frozen and immobile. My kindergartner has missed 19 days of school this year . . . I have slacked and there is no excuse.

I am broken for many other reasons too. I suppose I shouldn't lay it all on the line right off the bat to keep this interesting. But you can probably name just about any area that a wife/mother/woman should find success or fulfillment in and I am nowhere near feeling successful or fulfilled. I feel like a complete and utter failure most days.

The purpose of this is going to be to find my way from Broken Mom to Whole, Happy, Healthy, Fulfilled Mom. I just have to find the courage to do it...

Freaking Cute . . . but he talks!

Anyone who knows me, knows how much I love this little boy! I mean, seriously? Can you deny he is freaking cute!? Well today, I went to lunch with my best friend Lynette. I took Brevin with me, he is and was very well behaved. That is until we had someone sit behind us . . . someone who happened to be a bit on the big side. To which my son tapped me and said "Mom . . . look! That guy is fat!". I shushed him and said we don't say that, but I didn't satisfy him . . . he wanted me to acknowledge what he was saying was true . . . so he said it again. I managed to get my hand over his mouth so you couldn't hear him, but that also made him cry. I again told him we don't say that . . . but still he was not satisfied. After he was done with his tears, he said it again . . . so I was forced to agree with him so he would stop.

A few weeks back, I was getting home from work and John was heading out the door to work . . . Brevin was in our bed, of course . . . and that sweet little boy laid his hand on my cheek and said "Mommie, you're beau-full!". He then proceeded to say "Daddy is nice . . . and hairy!"

Love that little guy!

I had to add what Brevin said last night . . . I was already in bed and Brevin came in crying . . . "Mommie, I don't like Daddy! He is mean and he is a tard! Go spank his bum! I like Haidyn, and I like Claitlyn (Caitlyn) and I like you and I like Dilyn, but I DON'T like Dad!"

Discovery Gateway

John took the kids to Discovery Gateway a few weeks ago, so mommie could get some well deserved rest! Looks like they had fun! Thanks John for the break!

He must take after his dad . . . Now, is that a nice comment or a mean one? You decide!

Caitlyn is looking pretty intense . . . she gets that from her mommie!

Future scientists?

I think they really liked Life Flight! Lots of pictures to choose from in the helicopter! They get this from my side of the family . . . I'm just saying . . .

Not sure what is going on with Haidyn here . . . looks like she is about to sneeze, but Caitlyn and Brevin sure look cute!

Riding a plastic horse! Does it get any better than that!?

Seriously just had to throw this in! My favorite part is her t-shirt . . . it says "No Beer Goggles Necessary". Hope I don't get in trouble for that! HA HA! (Thank you Christenson's for the shirt!) And check out her amazing dance pants! From the BEST dance company there is! TDC! Woo Hoo!! Tiffany Dance Company, baby!!

What Will We Find?

When you go out on a date and leave the kids home . . . do you worry about what will greet you when you walk in the door? I know I do! We have stopped hiring babysitters, because, well, one time I came home to my house destroyed by one, so we let the kids fend for themselves. For the most part . . . they do fairly well. On occasion, I have come home extremely disappointed! John and I went out a few weekends ago . . . this was what we found . . .

Don't you love it!

Maid for Hire!

If my girls would take just a bit of his initiative . . . there would be less yelling and more hugs and kisses! I am sure he will change as he gets older . . . but for now, he is stinking cute! He always wants to help and he see stuff that needs to be done and he tries to do it! What a fabulous little boy! Love his little smile!

Sledding Anyone?

This years has not been the best as far as snow goes . . . we kept waiting for a big storm to go sledding, but it doesn't look like that is going to happen this year. So when we got a snow storm a few weeks ago, we decided that it was time for action! Nothing like an adventure in the snow!



What a good big sis! Haidyn taking that little brother down the hill!

Haidyn actually got a couple of runs in by herself!

I don't think Dilyn went down the hill once! Just played in the snow . . .

The biggest child of the group . . . 39 going on 40!

Daddy and Son . . . how sweet!

Sisters by Chance . . . Friends by Choice

What can I say? Sweet aren't they!?

Christmas . . . better late than never!

Ever so slightly behind on blogging . . . but I am trying to catch up! Here are a few pictures from our Merry Christmas!

Brevin had to pose with everything he opened! Love the face!

Dilyn . . . love her toothless grin!

Mommies was ever so slightly tired!

Grammy made each girl an apron and gave them each a recipe book . . . so cute!

Haidyn the Grr . . . she finally got her DS . . .

Caitlyn wanted Lego's . . . luckily she has aunts and uncles to answer the call!

What every dad should be doing on Christmas!

The Eve of Christmas

Just a bit of fun waiting for the fat man in the red suit . . .

Dance . . . Christmas Style!!

One of my favorite things at Christmas is watching my girls dance . . . Well, that is one of my favorite things to do anytime! I am so proud of them! They are so amazing! I love to watch them as they continue to progress with their abilities. They never fail to bring tears to my eyes!

This year was no different in the tears department . . . I had failed to realize that I worked the night before . . . so I got home at 6:00 AM and they had to be there and ready at 10:15 . . . so needless to say, with less than 2 hours sleep, I was tired and emotional and I know I offended and was rude to a few people along the way . . . oops.

Dilyn danced to "Santa Baby". Check the bling on her finger! Dilyn has come such a long ways! From running off the stage crying to just standing there scowling to now doing her entire performance! Fabulous girl! Just fabulous!!

Haidyn is becoming very accomplished in her Ballet! Of course, she tells me it is her least favorite.

Haidyn was a present in the production number . . . I love this picture of her . . . isn't she beautiful!!

My only complaint this year was that Caitlyn only performed one dance and it was the production number . . . didn't get to see her dance much, but thanks to an extremely short costume, we saw LOTS of her!! Can you tell which one she is?!

I love these beautiful girls!

Haidyn's Birthday . . .

Well, I have been a slacker as of late . . . so I will be updating over the next week or so . . . I hope there are those who still check us out!!

Haidyn turned 10 back in December! I can't believe it! She is getting so tall and is such an amazing sister! We had family over as well as a big friend party . . . she got lots of fun presents!

For her "theme" she only wanted orange and green . . . we try to deliver!!

Just look at that cake! I love the look on the little boys faces! So sweet!

For her friend party, I borrowed my wonderful neighbors dance studio (Thanks Tiffany!) as well as her daughter (Thanks Maddie!) to teach the girls a dance. They had so much fun!

We played a bunch of different games too! Silly girls, I think they had fun!
Happy Birthday Haidyn!